the road to Lucille Violet – from loss to high-risk pregnancy

a guest post from Perfectly Port

I’m so excited to be partnering with Erin from Perfectly Port today!  We connected on Instagram and have a million things in common.  I know you’ll appreciate her story.  You can check out my post on her blog at www.perfectlyportfamily.com.  

road to Lucille VioletHi, my name is Erin and I am a wife to Scott, mom to Solon (7), Vera (5) and Lucille (1). I love God and I love to encourage women because being a wife, mother, friend and all the other titles we hold can be so rewarding but so hard too! I blog over at www.perfectlyportfamily.com. I am so excited to be guest posting here with Molly today and sharing a piece of my story with you!

The road to motherhood is different for every woman and this week it’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Although my story is not tied directly with infertility, I hope it brings encouragement to you wherever you are in your mothering journey.

I am considered high-risk during pregnancy due to a genetic condition, Factor 5 MTHFR. Simply put, my blood is at higher risk of clotting in my elderly years and during pregnancy. If I would develop a blood clot during pregnancy, it could travel to the placenta and cause miscarriage and/or stillbirth.

Many women do not even know they have this condition until they have had multiple miscarriages with no explanation. Then the doctor does genetic testing and they find out. Thankfully, I found out before pregnancy.   The course of care is monthly ultrasounds, non-stress tests, and blood thinner shots. The dosage is different for every woman but I gave myself two shots a day from around 7 weeks until 6 weeks post-partum — totaling over 1500 shots spanning 3 pregnancies!

Thankfully despite my condition, we had two sweet children and we always knew we wanted another one. Our family just didn’t feel complete, so it wasn’t a matter of if , but when. We started to try just after our daughter was two.   Our first two pregnancies we got pregnant fairly quickly so we fully anticipated a positive pregnancy test within a month or two. It took three. We were pregnant and we were delighted.

I began to bleed at about 8 week and I knew. My heart broke.

We called the doctor, they ran the tests, and we waited in the lobby for an ultrasound, with what seemed like, every happy expectant couple in town. All the while I prayed the Lord would sustain me as I held back the tears that wanted to pour down my face. The technician said the doctor would call but as I looked over, there was no heartbeat. The call came but there was no need for confirmation. Our baby, whom we never met, was in the arms of Jesus.

I loved this child. A mother’s love is strong and fast.

The doctor counseled us with what to expect with miscarriage. It will be similar to a period, they said. I know every woman is different but it felt more like labor and less like a period. Not only that but my emotions were all over the place as my hormones were attempting to go back to normal. I was a mess in more ways than one.

I’ll never forget telling our kids the news since we had told them they were going to have a little sibling already. My husband prayed this prayer, “We are just so thankful for the time we did have God, thank you.” Tears rolled down my face, I knew he was right. Even if there was pain in the offering there were so many moments from friends’ prayers, to a warm meal and my older kids being cared for — God was present, comforting us.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thes. 5:18

After our miscarriage, we began trying again when we could. Month after month, the pain set in, negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. I had moments of anger, hurt and anguish. People would say; you have two children, you should be thankful, but there was an ache in my soul.   I clung to this verse and its promises.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24

After 10 months (which for many seems like nothing I know), we finally got pregnant. I have never been so thankful, cried so many tears, taken so many tests or shown so many people a pee stick.

I am not going to lie, this pregnancy was so challenging. I had such bad sickness that I ended up needing an IV for anti-nausea medication, home health care was required and I barely functioned as a mom, wife or friend. I had had hyperemesis gravideum (severe morning sickness) with my first two pregnancies but only needed to go to the hospital once for an IV treatment and was able to cope with oral medications otherwise. Not this time.

road to Lucille VioletI often thought, that if this challenging pregnancy had come after an easy conception, I might have had a different outlook but we had prayed for this baby, longed for this baby and we were willing to walk the hard road. Shots, IVs, nurses, doctors, medications, medical bills – just to meet her face to face.

road to Lucille VioletIn what seemed to last forever but at the same time travel by in flash (looking back ;), she was in my arms and I weeped sweet tears of joy.   The ache in my heart instantly filled with the love for tiny Lucille Violet, the one my soul longed for, cried out for. She was finally here.

road to Lucille VioletThe road to motherhood is not easy and met with many obstacles. All of us have different obstacles we encounter. Let me encourage you that if you are in a space of waiting or mourning or extreme sickness, I am praying for you. May the Lord our father, keep you, sustain you and may you feel His presence. He does not leave us alone. Lamentations 3:22-24 brought me such comfort during a difficult time in my life, I pray it will bring you peace, comfort and hope wherever you are today!

road to Lucille Violet