new beginnings: teetering on the edge of the blank page

begin again

It’s a scary thing, the blank page, a new beginning.  Rob Bell calls it the blinking line.  Glennon Doyle also writes about the intimidation of a blank page.  It’s something that confronts all of us.

At the end of any in-between (and maybe at the start, too), it’s scary.  It’s unknown.  It’s something you have to start.  Maybe if you’re lucky (or perhaps unlucky), it starts for you.  But even then you have to figure it out, begin, take action, develop a system, take that first step.  It’s overwhelming.  And it could easily cause one to run away, filled with all the fear and insecurity and self-doubt and uncertainty.

I feel like I’m at a million beginnings right now, or maybe it’s all just one huge blank page.  I put myself in front of blank pages and blinking lines intentionally and frequently.  Every time I open WordPress or my journal or a new document, I’m confronted with a fresh start.  You would think being so accustomed to beginning things would make all beginnings a bit easier, like it would desensitize me or something.

It hasn’t.

Beginnings are hard.  And scary.  And beautiful.  And holy.

BEHOLD, I AM DOING A NEW THING; NOW IT SPRINGS FORTH, DO YOU NOT PERCEIVE IT?  I WILL MAKE A WAY IN THE WILDERNESS AND RIVERS IN THE DESERT.
ISAIAH 43:19

I guess I can take comfort in the fact that we’re meant for new beginnings, at least.

DO NOT CONFORM TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND.  THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TEST AND APPROVE WHAT GOD’S WILL IS – HIS GOOD, PLEASING, AND PERFECT WILL.
ROMANS 12:2

This verse has been a constant thread working its way through my story for a while now.  My mind is often a mess, so it needs transformation frequently.  The world (or my brain) says beginnings are scary.  They are.  But they’re also a promise – a promise that gives us hope, really, and bolsters our faith.  I can pinpoint exact moments in my life where I was on the edge of something new, sometimes without even realizing it, and it was in those moments that my mind was renewed and I was transformed.

I’m reading Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle right now, and she talks about just taking the next step: “I tell myself that I will do only the next right thing, one thing at a time.  I start to think of my life as a path.  I can only count on the next step to appear once I’ve committed to the step right before it.”

beginning

I love this.  It takes the pressure off.  I don’t have to have it all figured out.  I just need to start, to take one step and then pay attention to the next step.  And God will light the way.  Even though I’m not always quiet enough or still enough to hear Him clearly, I know He will light the way.  I will just keep taking the next right step.